Hyperbolic tales to haunt your October—so we can laugh instead of cry.
October is for jump scares, but the scariest higher ed stories aren’t hiding under the bed—they’re waiting in your inbox, your spreadsheets, and that cursed boardroom projector that refuses to connect. Every campus has its own set of horror tales, and higher education professionals know these everyday nightmares all too well. From tech fails at the worst possible moment to endless policy debates, these scary higher ed stories follow us from the classroom to the office. Share them at your next cabinet meeting for a five-minute breather and a communal shudder—or at least a laugh that reminds us we’re not alone. (Optional game: award candy corn for the most “I’ve lived this” groans.)
1) Scary Higher Ed Story #1: The Reply-All Apocalypse
One innocent “Looks good!” triggers a chain reaction. Three hundred messages later, campus Wi-Fi flickers and your soul leaves your body.
Break the curse: BCC is holy water. Use liberally.
2) The Syllabus of 87 Exceptions
By week three, your “clear policy” includes a flowchart, two amulets, and a note that reads “case-by-case.”
Break the curse: Pre-approve three common exceptions—and stop there.
3) Parking Lot Poltergeist
Every space is marked “Reserved,” including the one with a backhoe in it. A student swears there’s a shuttle; it’s only seen at twilight.
Break the curse: Publish a one-slide “Where do I actually park?” map. Ritual sacrifices not required.
4) The Phantom Enrollment Cliff
Your dashboard says up, the CFO’s says down, and Admissions has “two versions of truth” named Excel and Google Sheets.
Break the curse: Lock one source of truth before October 1. Salt your pivot tables.
5) The Accreditation Specter
They ask for “one more artifact.” It multiplies into a nine-headed binder demanding a strategic plan, a logic model, and a partridge in a pear tree.
Break the curse: A living evidence index > heroic last-minute binders.
6) The LMS Vanishing Act (Finals Week Edition)
At 11:59 p.m., the server decides to pursue other opportunities.
Break the curse: Scheduled “what if the lights go out” drills with pre-written comms.
7) The Donor Gift with a Curse
$10M… and a 14-page naming agreement specifying font, plaque angle, and annual ceremonial ribbon humidity.
Break the curse: Governance guardrails for gifts. Translate “no” into “mission fit.”
8) The Committee That Wouldn’t Die
Four subcommittees, two task forces, zero decisions, and minutes titled “Lively Discussion.”
Break the curse: Every meeting ends with “one decision, one owner, one date.”
9) The Friday 4:59 p.m. FOIA Full Moon
“Please provide all documents related to everything since the dawn of time.” The attachment limit is you.
Break the curse: Templatize intake + triage. Auto-reply = silver bullet.
10) The Viral TikTok That Ate a Weekend
One 12-second video; seventeen media requests; your crisis plan labeled “draft.”
Break the curse: A three-slide playbook: Acknowledge, Clarify, Next Steps. Sleep later.
11) The Innovation Hub with No Outlets
Beautiful rendering. No power strips. The 3D printer runs on enthusiasm.
Break the curse: Facilities at the table before the ribbon emoji appears in email.
12) The Budget Skeletons in the Closet
Carry-forwards creak, encumbrances moan, and someone whispers “one-time money” like a ghostly lullaby.
Break the curse: Color-code base vs. one-time. Stake a line through “permanent pilot.”
13) The Board Slide That Wouldn’t Advance
The clicker blinks. The HDMI hisses. Your best metric hides behind a spinning beach ball.
Break the curse: Export to PDF, stash on a thumb drive, and print the key chart like it’s 2009.
Epilogue: The Bonus Jump Scare
AI is invoked 17 times, none with a budget line or policy. Everyone nods gravely.
Break the curse: Three decisions only—use cases, guardrails, owner. Then the money.
Got your own campus horror story? Send it our way—winner gets a Buzzword Bingo card and a limited-edition “I Survived Q4” mug.
